What brings me here?

I started writing as a kid,

because my teacher taught its a good habit 😋

And I was that obedient one who also took the diary on 15 days family trip to Calcutta, Gujarat etc etc noting down the name of every single place I had been to in a spirit to maintain records. In my language to create memories of my travel.

Little did I realize that writing the names and dates of places do not really matter. What matters is my experience, my feelings of those places, of my life.

Until teens, I loved being in my own little world. I was super happy with my secret school love, my high scores, my music, my little window in the room. My family, extended family, teachers, friends, principal everyone always (and I mean always) appreciated me for my intellect, formal behaviour and shyness too. 

So yeah, if you haven't yet formed a perfect picture of me, let me tell you that I was in that "Ideal Student" and "Ideal Daughter".

And then life happened.....

There was a sudden down pour of responsibilities on my shoulders. I had to take care of my house. I do not want to create  fake story of how terrible my life was. I had and still have a perfect family - super caring, super helpful. But it is that "Become Perfect" emotion in me which just supersedes anything, absolutely anything in my life.

And then I got married.

......

And then I became a mother.

.......

And then I lost myself.

.......

I leave it to your imagination to fill in those dots. Amidst the load of responsibilities and desire to please everyone, I have forgotten myself. It is a super busy life and I have started feeling that I am breaking connection with my heart.

With that kind of journey, my mind has learnt to be super active now. I can remember almost 20 things at a time - what is cooking on the 4 burners, what is my daughter doing, what is she supposed to do after that, what will I cook in the evening, what will I cook tomorrow, what are my appointments for today, what are some critical tasks to submit to my manager and more. Every minute I am in a rush to finish the tasks and save the leisure time for the last part of the day which you guessed right, mostly never comes...

Now, I want to slow down. 

I want to feel myself...

I want to feel what every moment brings and save it in my heart at that moment, not keep it for 'Buy It Later' list.